Category Archives: Donald Trump

Please Do Not Touch, the book

redt-shirtgraphicxx

Our about to be immensely popular new book, with the same title as the t-shirt, will be released on April 10th by Rizzoli.  It will probably sell out in one day. Look at what happened to Fire and Fury. Of course, our book is not about Trump. Though it does have some pretty juicy revelations. It’s the story of MOSS, like you never heard it before. And speaking of Trump, did you know he NEVER shopped at MOSS? Unless it was him who broke in that night and stole the bicycle. I wouldn’t put it past him. Anyway, click on the shirt to go to the special Please Do Not Touch website where you can learn everything you need to know, including that you should pre-order from Amazon. It’s better to be safe than sorry, my grandmother always said. She always pre-ordered. And no, you cannot buy that t-shirt. It’s sold out. Let that be a lesson to you.

 

Advertisements

“We’re children. You guys are the adults.”

gunsWe do try (not that hard, admittedly) to avoid politics here at Bureaublog, but when things go completely out of control, it’s hard to stay quiet. Today in the Times there was an astounding double-page ad that listed every member of Congress taking money from the NRA and how much they took. Yes, some of the worst, truly despicable monsters were getting millions. But most were not. Most got less than $40,000. A few got practically nothing. Somebody got $1000. Is money so hard to raise that you will sell your soul for $1000? That seems about right for most of the souls in Congress. Maybe even somewhat high. But for amounts like that, our elected officials choose to do the bidding of an unspeakably evil organization that stops even the smallest attempt at gun control sanity. This is disgusting. Truly disgusting. Not as disgusting, of course, as what you’ll find if you click on the photo (from the Times). You’ll go to an op-ed Times piece from October where you’ll see career totals of how much the “top ten” each got from the NRA. Prepare to be sick.

Republican Senators struck deaf

perdueIn an odd moment for the current administration, both Republican Senators Perdue and Cotton were struck deaf at the same moment during a meeting in the Oval. Here Trump does his best to help Perdue back to his seat just after being told by Perdue, “I can’t hear you!” As usual, Trump prefers to help people to their seats with his eyes closed. Sources close to the President said that Sudden Deaf Syndrome is a common occurrence among certain Republican Senators, especially those from the South, North or Midwest, or West. There is no available data on how long the deafness lasts, or if it is related to early onset dementia, as is the case with the President, obviously.  It also makes it very diffiucult for them to hear or respond to questions from reporters.

TRUMP TOWER BURNS

trumtowergoneTrump himself was rumored to have been seen roaming around the lobby distractedly, muttering that Sloppy Steve had set the fire. He was wearing a torn and soot-covered  bathrobe and carrying a large red button with the word “NUCLEAR” printed on it. Due to fast action by the New York Fire Department, no one was hurt, though it’s obvious the building is now uninhabitable and will need to be torn down. It’s also rumored that the Kushner family real estate company is negotiating for the property where they plan to build a “Maryland-style” housing complex funded by the Israeli government.

TRUMP DECLARES HAMDEN CAPITAL OF ISRAEL

Eli_Whitney_Gun_Factory_William_Giles_Munson_1827“Forget Jerusalem,” Trump said this morning. “I didn’t say Jerusalem. I said Hamden. Anyway, I meant Hamden whatever you might have heard me say. ” Trump went on to say that everyone knew this anyway and he was just acknowledging the obvious. He also said the US would be moving the American embassy to East Rock Park as soon as was feasible and that this would lead to a two-state solution between Israel and Connecticut. As to the charges of “recklessness” and “stupidity”, Trump said he was only keeping a campaign promise because those are exactly what his base demands.

Moss Bureau dumps Trump

trumpJoining our friend the great chef Jose Andres, and Macy’s. NBC, the PGA, Perfumania, and of course the entire country of Mexico, Moss Bureau is firing Donald Trump for his unbridled racism and for being a hopeless clown and blight on humanity, and a pig. We know you were about to ask us to open stores in all your crummy condo buildings, so before you do, Donald, don’t bother.