Category Archives: Donald Trump

Republican Senators struck deaf

perdueIn an odd moment for the current administration, both Republican Senators Perdue and Cotton were struck deaf at the same moment during a meeting in the Oval. Here Trump does his best to help Perdue back to his seat just after being told by Perdue, “I can’t hear you!” As usual, Trump prefers to help people to their seats with his eyes closed. Sources close to the President said that Sudden Deaf Syndrome is a common occurrence among certain Republican Senators, especially those from the South, North or Midwest, or West. There is no available data on how long the deafness lasts, or if it is related to early onset dementia, as is the case with the President, obviously.  It also makes it very diffiucult for them to hear or respond to questions from reporters.

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TRUMP TOWER BURNS

trumtowergoneTrump himself was rumored to have been seen roaming around the lobby distractedly, muttering that Sloppy Steve had set the fire. He was wearing a torn and soot-covered  bathrobe and carrying a large red button with the word “NUCLEAR” printed on it. Due to fast action by the New York Fire Department, no one was hurt, though it’s obvious the building is now uninhabitable and will need to be torn down. It’s also rumored that the Kushner family real estate company is negotiating for the property where they plan to build a “Maryland-style” housing complex funded by the Israeli government.

TRUMP DECLARES HAMDEN CAPITAL OF ISRAEL

Eli_Whitney_Gun_Factory_William_Giles_Munson_1827“Forget Jerusalem,” Trump said this morning. “I didn’t say Jerusalem. I said Hamden. Anyway, I meant Hamden whatever you might have heard me say. ” Trump went on to say that everyone knew this anyway and he was just acknowledging the obvious. He also said the US would be moving the American embassy to East Rock Park as soon as was feasible and that this would lead to a two-state solution between Israel and Connecticut. As to the charges of “recklessness” and “stupidity”, Trump said he was only keeping a campaign promise because those are exactly what his base demands.

Moss Bureau dumps Trump

trumpJoining our friend the great chef Jose Andres, and Macy’s. NBC, the PGA, Perfumania, and of course the entire country of Mexico, Moss Bureau is firing Donald Trump for his unbridled racism and for being a hopeless clown and blight on humanity, and a pig. We know you were about to ask us to open stores in all your crummy condo buildings, so before you do, Donald, don’t bother.